|The new and improved Litigation
Avoidance Policy implemented by the publishing industry
("You couldn't make widgets if we didn't sell you the words
for them!") has mandated that the following form be
prominently displayed at the beginning of every book, pamphlet,
or article, denoting the author's intentions, and bearing a
facsimile of his/her/their legal signature(s), which may be as
incomprehensible as his/her/their patent afflatus:|
- I did it to express myself, so I really don't
care if you agree with my opinions!
- I did it to record my analytical conclusions, so don't
expect them to be fair or objective!
- I did it to express my convoluted beliefs, so don't be
surprised that my core values don't make any sense!
- I did it for the prestige, so my arrogant opinion
would count more than your insignificant
- I did it to communicate with kindred spirits, so as to
vastly increase my patronage and enlarge my sustenance!
- I did it out of boredom, so don't blame me if you're bored
- I was commissioned to do it, so don't expect me to believe
- I did it for the money, so I don't care if
it's silly, sickening, or stupid!
- I did it by stealing the idea(s), plot(s),
theme(s), scene(s), character(s), style(s), expression(s),
font(s), paper, electricity, envelopes, stamps, or sweat from
innumerable and unacknowledged significant others,
but you can't prove it!